Thursday, August 21, 2014

Pain, Suffering and Suicide

My best friend and I were talking about Robin Williams recently at dinner. I was rattling off the statistics of suicide rates which I encountered during my research for this blog, and I mentioned that (to my surprise) elderly white men committed suicide at a higher rate than any other demographic. My friend replied (without missing a beat) ‘it probably skyrocketed when Obama took office…’, then he got on with eating his potatoes. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair! Oh my god. It’s sad, but I had to wonder if there may be some truth to that? I spent the rest of the evening wondering what really causes older people to commit suicide. As it turns out, loneliness and illness top the list for reasons why older white men choose to end their life; when you think about it, those are probably the two main reasons anyone from any background would choose such a drastic solution. 


Before you say I’m being insensitive--after all, this is a delicate subject, right? Why would I want to analyze it? Here's some of my personal experience with suicide and mental illness. It runs in my family. I am not ashamed. People need to discuss the issues in order to understand, cope and (ultimately) manage them. My mother shot and killed herself in 2011. There is a long line of mental illness in my family and I will not shrink away from the topic. It’s not my fault and it’s not something anybody who has suffered through should be ashamed of talking about. We can learn from patterns of behavior. We can accept that other people’s decisions are not ours. I'm a believer that certain things don’t have to be qualified, exactly, but I do think we should learn from their choices. 

The purpose of this blog entry is to introduce the humanity of suicide. I feel it's important to explain the perfect storm of personal crisis that may lead up to it. I am not a therapist. I have no degree in psychology and I suggest that you seek help if you’re having suicidal thoughts. Depression is an illness that is treatable. This is strictly based on personal life experiences. My opinions are directly related to years spent watching the people I love struggle with mental illness, and of my own experience with depression as a result. I have spent years reading, researching, and observing various aspects of psychology in relation to bi-polar, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, and suicide in an effort to better understand. 

When the subject of suicide comes up, you can almost see people cringe. Just the very thought of talking about mental illness makes them squirm. In America taking your own life is considered a horrible thing for many reasons; primarily because it goes against one's religion. The history of suicide predates the history of religion, which makes complicates the concept. In some cases, people committed suicide for their religious beliefs and were considered martyrs or saints after the fact. For example, the ancient Egyptians believed taking one's own life was acceptable if a person suffered from unbearable physical or mental trauma. Socrates was the first to say our lives were a gift from the Gods, and shouldn't be ours to take away, but suicide wasn't officially condemned until the middle ages. Even then, people were still doing it for religious purposes. There were too many people killing themselves for the sake of martyrdom, so religious judgement and condemnation were handed out in order to control the act. Are we really horrified at these unfortunate souls' eternal descent into damnation? Or is it possible we've become a society that doesn't want to see the parts of life that are unavoidable? Of course we don't want to lose our loved ones but, in reality, the ugly, unplanned, and all too real things that nobody wants to talk about; death, illness, and old age are beyond our control.  

Robin Williams had the perfect suicide storm brewing for years, I think. According to my research, he struggled with anxiety, depression, addiction, and a diagnosis of Parkinson’s. For someone who already had a full plate, mentally and emotionally, a diagnosis of Parkinson’s might have been the tipping point. The man with lightening quick wit and an amazing ability to find a way to make everything funny was going to lose his ability to control his body. Maybe the diagnosis was too much and the stress of facing this particular illness was the final straw for him. Who can judge him for that? It's not a cowardly thing at all. In fact, in my opinion, it was his right. 

“Parkinson’s disease is not a fatal illness. However, it’s a degenerative disorder that usually progresses until it leaves its patients completely debilitated. The condition usually worsens over an average of 15 years.
The rate of progression and its course varies among patients. The course is relatively benign in some patients with little disability after twenty years and may be more aggressive among others who may be severely disabled after ten years. Those with an early onset Parkinson’s disease have shorter life spans than those with later-onset disease.”
(By Dr Ananya Mandal, MD)

In general, we’re not conditioned to respond to illness with bright happy attitudes. It’s really hard to adjust to chronic illness. Knowing your life will never be the same can take a heavy toll on your mind. A form of PTSD, if you will. The following excerpt is from ‘Coping With Chronic Illness and Disability', by Honoch Livneh and Erin Martz:

“…when confronted by a significant loss that is ongoing, unrelenting, and has no foreseeable end, the affected person is frequently launched, by way of traumatic disruptions, into a never-imagined life. The unchosen life of coping with permanent disability or chronic, imposed demand resulting from loss of the expected, assumed, dreamed-of, or normative future, and its replacement by an unwanted, often initially terrifying, new reality.”

You might be surprised how often thoughts of suicide cross the minds of people with chronic pain. According to the latest statistics, elderly men in their 80’s commit suicide more than any other demographic, not because a black man is president, but because they’re old, in pain, lonely or depressed.

According to SAVE, Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the US. 50% of deaths by suicide are firearm related. The is hope; nearly 80% of people seeking help for depression are treated successfully. If you want help, there is help. There are steps you can take if you suffer chronic pain and illness to help make life easier. There are endless blogs and articles online that will connect you to step by step remedies for getting out of your funk. If you have access to a computer then you can find support groups, home remedies. Ultimately, what matters is an individuals perceived quality of life. 

Death, suffering, illness...these things are part of life. Nobody really wants to talk about it. I see mental and physical suffering all the time. Education is the key to understanding this incredibly personal decision and the struggles behind what makes the 'perfect storm of suicide' for some. For some people this is their answer. Quality of life matters a great deal and I believe there should be a certain degree of acceptance. I believe in education and awareness more so because I believe an informed decision is the best decision. Death with dignity matters.


"If you don't have liberty and self-determination, you've got nothing, that's what this is what this country is built on. And this is the ultimate self-determination, when you determine how and when you're going to die when you're suffering."
                                                                                              Jack Kervorkian



Remember this; Depression, in and of itself, is treatable. Like I mentioned before, there's an 80% success rate for those who seek professional help. If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, it's in your best interest to find a qualified professional to help you through. Depression is a deep dark forest and you need a guide. Forget the stigma of having the dreaded psychiatric evaluation and get yourself back to good any way you can. Start the conversation with your loved ones if you're facing terminal illness or life changing medical diagnosis. Get to the eye of the hurricane so you can think clearly before you make any decisions. This is one you can't take back.

SAVE, Suicide Awareness Voices of Education:

Coping Strategies for Chronic Illness:

Parkinson’s Disease:

Robin Williams death:

UT Medical Center breakthrough in treatment of depression:


Image credits

Man on bench: hikren/shutterstock
Tree: luxuryrehab.com

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Spiked Heels and Boob Sweat Covered Cell Phones

There are a few really awful trends that are finally fading out (thank the gods) and I'm glad to see them go. I want to get the ball rolling on a few more. Some things just have to stop, and I mean right now, dammit! Here's a list of personal pet peeves:


Ladies, please stop pocketing your cell phones in your bras. It's gross. More than that, if you'll take a minute to read the back pages of the instruction manual from the box your phone came in, you'll find it's hazardous to your health. You should be concerned about the radiation from your cell phone nestled up to your delicate area. It's ok to keep your extra cash there, or a lipstick or something--just not the device with the toxic battery.


Fake tanner has got to stop. If you were born white, as I was, then be white. Or whitish. If you're whiter than white, alabaster, even, so be it. Get an umbrella, a hat and use mega sunscreen to keep from getting skin cancer. I know tan is beautiful according to beauty magazines and mass media, but originality is better. Mixed races are gorgeous, but I was born pink and freckled. I'm not spending my hard earned money on orange spray tan that smells like monkey butt, just to try to look like a bronze beauty - only to turn out looking like an orange monkey's ass. With freckles. Own your skin, people. 


   
Vaping. My personal take is, 'why'? So many teens want a vaporizer with 'zero' nicotine. They want to order the candy or exotic flavors online and walk around the stores puffing out vapes--trying to look cool. It just looks weird. Another marketing strategy at its finest. You know what looks cool? Having your own money when you need to start paying your own cell phone bills or when you want to buy a car. 


Ladies, wearing a metric ton of makeup doesn't make you look grown up or sexy. It's more of an announcement that you're not good at doing makeup. I'm including a link that will give you pointers on the basics of make up, things every young woman should know. The most important thing you should know is you were born with all the beauty you'll ever need. The products you buy should be enhancers, nothing more.

Another one for the ladies; six inch heels are stupid. They might look badass on the GaGa, but unless you need to uses them as a defense weapon, you might break your ankle wearing those ridiculous shoes. At best you'll get blisters and nobody wants to see that. Be sensible. Wedges, spiked three or four inches are fine if you insist on wearing something fancy for special occasions, but trust me, you'll want to take good care of your feet. Real life means walking, and lots of it. Breaking an ankle or a leg is going to ruin your day. If you're dating a young man who says he likes high heels, buy him a pair and let him wear them.


The last disturbing trend among young people that I have to comment on has to do with sex. I'm very glad the subject is talked about and out in the open more than it was when I was a teen. And I'm so very relieved that condoms and birth control are easier for young people to get.

The issue I have is the easy access to hardcore porn from every computer, cell phone and ipad. There are many programs online to filter the settings on your home group to keep your children and teens from watching it but, believe me when I say this...they are still watching. It's important to start dialogue with your teen early about adult videos and the difference between that and real love making. I cannot stress the importance of having this conversation enough. I'm of the French philosophy, which says it is better to raise our children learning that making love is a natural part of being an adult, and fighting wars and killing is not. We should teach kids and teens that the internet might be a good place to learn a lot of things, but the personal business of making love is nothing like what they are seeing online. If our kids don't learn about healthy sex from healthy adults, they will learn about unhealthy sex from somewhere else.

That's not the entire list of my pet peeves, of course, but it's a good start. If we could stamp out just these 6 things, we'd be making a great deal of progress toward better health and greater happiness. As an added benefit, we'd be reducing the risk of embarrassing ourselves in public.~

Cell Phone in bra/cancer:

Spike shoes photo courtesy of: funcshoenality

Bad Makeup photo: tonguechic.com